Sunday, March 13, 2011

Good to be back

I have not written a blogspot for over three weeks and I still don't know what I'm going to say in this post.
But a few life changing situations have occurred with me and I still haven't fully digest them.
My father left his earthly life two weeks ago and it was a roller coaster ride for my family and me, it hasn't stop yet.
My father was the type of person who kept everything money wise close to the vest,so now my Mother and sibling are busy,trying to unravel everything financial involving him.
With me living in Pittsburgh and everyone else residing in the Washington,DC area it's a little difficult for me to do much on the phone.
But  what I have discovered about me during this period is an emotional side of me that is scary,scary because as a man I now realize how much I have bottled up or painted over emotionally over my life time.
I haven't completely figure out all of these emotional roller coasters of mine,but I'm ready for them.
I found myself crying on my way to work last week at 5am after putting in a CD of James Cleveland songs,he was one of gospel singers of my youth that I often heard around the house .
Good to be back and at least write something today!
                                                                                 Bigmac

13 comments:

Mizrepresent said...

First of all, my sincere condolences to you and your family. I know how difficult this time is. I went through it last year. Glad you are back, and always wishing you well.

CareyCarey said...

BigMac,

I don't visit many blogs. I mean, I have my normal rounds, but most of them are generally duplicating the days news or gossiping about who did what and who did who. And since I don't know much about all the worldly affairs, I tend to shy away from issues inwhich I am not well informed. Well, like most individuals, I can watch the nightly news or a potical round table discussion, but in my opinion, that's not being well informed. In most cases it's just a bunch of talking heads pushing their own agenda. Consequently, I basically I stick to what I know. So, that leaves me with me, myself, and "I". I know my pain and struggles, hopes and fear, so I can talk about that.

Which leads me to you. When a person shares intimate details of their life, I am all ears. I tend to believe a person when they've dropped their egos and expose their real self. Then, I can learn something from them. Many people are very affraid to expose what others may deem as a "fault" or weakness. But I've come to believe that if a person can't say "it" - to themselves or another - they can't do "it".

Fear of exposure, imo, locks a person in their own jail. They worry, unnecessarily, about what others will "think" of them. But I've often thought, why care, and what can they do, and who really knows what they are "thinking'.

In short, thanks for showing me how to do it. I believe "courage" is a learned behavior.

BigmacInPittsburgh said...

Miz:Thanks you for your heart felt words.

BigmacInPittsburgh said...

Carey:As always you are a straight shooter and I don't expect nothing less from you my friend.
You are correct when we put ourselves out there,well it a release.
Thank you for your kind words,life changing situations requires me to fasten my big boy pants,stand up straight and get it done!

Dirty Red said...

Man I am sorry about your Pops..I went through the same thing a couple of years ago with my Dad. So I can feel this post. I still have my Pops phone number in my phone man. I can't bring myself to delete it. Sometimes when I am going through something stressful which is damn near everyday...(I's married now)I dial his number hoping that he will answer. So far I get the phone is not in service recording...I don't know what I will do when the company gives his old number to someone else...but for now that is how I keep my Pops with me. I don't know if this will help you or not but I just want you to know that I understand what you are dealing with.

Anna Renee said...

Big Mac, I'm sorry about your losing your father. But you have your memories of him to cherish.

As for your emotions coming through, this is a good time to allow yourself the freedom to be your full emotional self. Without fear of others' opinions of what a man is or isn't.

I'm glad you're back and I have enjoyed your early morning visits to my blog! They're on to me at work, though, and I don't go on my blog anymore! lol But I still have my mobile phone with blog access! Hee heee

Blessings and love to you Big Mac! You go be alright!
{{{hugs to BM}}}

Beauty and Health Editor said...

Hello BigMac,

Just thought I'd check in on you and read this...Sorry to hear about your dad passing away...I think it's normal to cry when you lose someone you love and care about who has been around you for so long as well.

I hope you feel better.

Sending hugs from the UK.

Stimpson said...

My sincere, heartfelt condolences. I am dreading the day my father (who is 90) or mother (a little younger) pass away. I don't know how I'll deal with it, but I'm pretty sure not calmly.

Like Carey, I appreciate the way you share thoughts with us. I know when I come to The Forest I'll get honesty and candor. Thanks for that.

I wish you well, of course. Cheers.

calmcoach said...

Hello Big Mac,
I am sorry to read of your dad's passing, I send you deep thoughts of healing. I hope your tears cleanse and release your sadness. As always, thank you for being here and for your fresh honesty.
Gentle love and light to you my friend!

Reggie said...

You have my sincere condolences, my own dear father passed away 18 years ago. I felt absolutely cheated, it would have been nice to have his council for a few more years there.

I've also been missing in action over the last couple of weeks. After a year, I finally sold my house and had my close on 3/5/11. I've since moved into an apartment and now I think I will look to leave South Carolina. I didn't need a 4 bedroom house and sometime this year my wife and I will officially call it quits. I've been married for more than 22 years so this will be a time of significant change for me. I actually started to blog these life's changes........but didn't. I blogged about idiot football players instead.

BigmacInPittsburgh said...

Dirty Red:Thank you sir,reading your blog keeps my mind focus.
Anna:Thank you my sister,for your kind words and spirit.
Beauty and Health Editor:Thank you.
Stimpson:Thank you my friend I have always appreciated your wisdom and straight to the point attitude,I miss your blog.
Calmcoach:Thank you,you never fail to have the right words at the right time,thanks!
Reggie:Thank you my friend and I know what it's like to see a marriage end after so long a period of time,I hope you write about what you have experienced,not so much details,because some things are nobody's business,but I hope you can put the marriage in perspective.

Beauty and Health Editor said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Christopher B. said...

All love and warmth, BigMac - my positives to carrying our families with us as we move on, their bones in our bones, thoughts and energy in our words, written. Keep on!